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The late Henri Nouwen said that there are two great fears (or wounds) that we all face. The first is the fear that we were not wanted at the time of our birth into this world, and the second is that we will not be wanted at the time of our death. "Not being welcome is your greatest fear. It connects with your birth fear, your fear of not being welcome in this life, and your death fear, your fear of not being welcome in the life after this. It is the deep-seated fear that it would have been better if you had not lived" (Inner Voice of Love). If you carry a wound of abandonment within your heart - if you live in dread over your worth as a human being, seriously wondering whether it would have been better had you never been born, then you know the taste of hell itself - the emotional prison of feeling lost, defective, rejected, shameful - unable to love or to be loved...
Is not the lament of the lonely heart to find a sense of welcome, or acceptance, or peace within? Is it not the heart's cry for connection? Yet even the very gospel message cannot make traction within a heart lost to its own shame... Therefore the miracle of salvation is profoundly connected with faith that you are loved and lovable - despite yourself - and that this love derives from the core of all that truly exists. Is this not "home" in the spiritual sense? Is this not "Zion, the perfection of holiness?" That God prepares a table for you in the presence of your enemies, yea, those enemies of self-rejection, abandonment, fear, and shame? And that there - in the midst of your lost and forlorn condition you are found, treasured, and celebrated? Is not that "place" God's very heart - Jesus dying upon the cross, gasping for each breath - knowing everything about you and loving you anyway?
In our Torah reading this week (Eikev), Moses asks us to "soften our hearts" by remembering that we are beloved of God (Deut. 10:12-16). He reminds us that the though Lord is "the God of gods" (אֱלהֵי הָאֱלהִים) - the power that transcends the gods of our idolatry (i.e., our fears, our disordered attachments, our shame), and the "Lord of lords" (אֲדנֵי הָאֲדנִים) - the Center and Authority of what is most real, he nevertheless cares for the lowly orphan and the grieving widow - he reaches out to the needy and the abandoned - and he desires to console the "stranger," the one shattered of heart, who has no sense of belonging, no pride of tribe, nor place to lay his head (see Deut. 10:17-18). God cares about those who are lost, hurting, and alone: He came to save all such from their despair.
But how does God reach the bound soul that walks alone among the tombs, cutting himself in his torment (Matt. 8:28-34)? How can he heal the deep trauma, the disassociated and broken of heart? How else but by the miracle of his intervention, quickening an otherwise numb and dead heart to come alive, to breathe in hope, and to begin to believe that - despite everything that has happened - he was wanted all along, from the very beginning, and that the wound of his sorrow was given so that he could find out who he really is and where he really belongs... The wound you were given is part of your story, and healing comes from accepting God's love for you -- and understanding how the Lord goes through the wound with you and for you...
Life in this fallen world is likened to a vapor or a passing shadow (Psalm 144:4). Nothing abides; good things here never last; and we labor under the unmentionable anxiety that death will separate us from everyone and everything we love. However, death is not the end for the us, for "love is stronger than death, passion fiercer than the grave; its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD" (Song 8:6). We will live for He lives...
"What will death be like?" they asked the Master. "It will be as if a veil is ripped apart and you will say in wonder, "So it was you all along!" (De Mello). Death is a most poignant homecoming, a place of joyful welcome, wherein all shall be well for ever. The righteous have an everlasting foundation in the faithful heart of God. Faith in the LORD believes that a single supreme, all-knowing, all-powerful and benevolent spiritual Power directs all things, and that Messiah is the beginning, middle, and end of all conscious meaning, truth, and substance, as it is written: כִּי הַכּל מִיָּדוֹ הַכּל בּוֹ וְהַכּל לוֹ הוּא, "For from him and through him and to him are all things" (Rom. 11:36). A life of faith in the one true God imparts the blessing of shalom (inner peace) and assures the heart that all shall be made well by the love of God. So then, "if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord. So then, whether we live or whether we die, we belong to the Lord" (Rom. 14:8). For the believer in Messiah, death does not define us, and indeed, we trust that God will attend to us in the moment of our utmost extremity (John 5:24; 11:25-26). If we desire eternal life with all our hearts and remember our end before the Lord, we will be free of the fear of death. Amen ve'amen.
Hebrew Lesson
Psalm 147:3 reading (click):
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